I remember how I felt before I stepped into the exam hall. It was a mixture of nervousness and worries. I worried mainly on whether I could be able to tolerate my stomach pain for I'm known to being unable to bear it well. I remember trying to calm down my nerves by talking with my bestie, Bee via SMSes. ^^ I kept inhaling and exhaling deeply. I remember having the longest prayer of the day. I just sat there, motionless like a praying statue. I felt at peace as I long last submitted and surrendered my pain, worries, doubts and fears to God. I told Him that whatever I do, I hope it will bring Him the glory. I always told Him that He's the only one who knows how much effort I put in in preparing for any of my exams. It's all up to Him to judge how well I prepared for it. Finally, I opened one eye halfway, peeking out at my surroundings hoping I didn't look weird closing my eyes as if I was sleeping in that sitting position.
Soon, it was time for me to go into the freezing hall. The pain had vanished, just in time for full concentration to come back. I kept breathing long and deep while walking towards my exam seat. It was located far to the back of the hall as usual.
As soon as I sat down and took out my stationery stuff, I kept breathing in the hope of calming my nerves. I kept praying mentally. As the clock struck 3pm, I hit the paper with my pen, killing it with my answers.
In a blink of an eye, the paper was ovvvvvveeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr. But I wasn't feeling any joy. I ended up breaking into streams of tears like a waterfall as soon as I stepped into the warm area. Looking back, I remember how mad I felt when an exam investigator stopped me from writing, indicating that time was up. My attempt to finish up my last question within last five minutes or so was futile. It hurt so, so much to stop writing. I remember back then that my tears were threatening to escape but I held them back, afraid investigators might see me in that crying state. I remember receiving a pat on my shoulder telling me not to cry by one of them before I left my seat. I forced out a smile at her acknowledging her pat while nodding. It was nice to hear that but I wanted to cry badly.
After three hours and ten minutes, I SMSed mummy out of desperation. I received a SMS saying, "Smile, sweetie, for it is now over. :)" It hurt that I couldn't even smile my sweetest smile. I thought I'd be smiling after that paper but I guess I overestimated myself. I cried out to mummy via SMSes.
I found myself questioning repeatedly if it was Satan preventing me from completing the paper. But I think there's something else to be thankful for which was on an immediate disappearance of my cramps. (:
Sometimes, I wonder if there's a purpose behind why I didn't finish my last question. That last question was my weakest topic. Mummy said probably I've done other questions well and God thought it was fine to let the last question go... That was my exact thought. God, is this your plan??? :O
Soon, it was time for me to go into the freezing hall. The pain had vanished, just in time for full concentration to come back. I kept breathing long and deep while walking towards my exam seat. It was located far to the back of the hall as usual.
As soon as I sat down and took out my stationery stuff, I kept breathing in the hope of calming my nerves. I kept praying mentally. As the clock struck 3pm, I hit the paper with my pen, killing it with my answers.
In a blink of an eye, the paper was ovvvvvveeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr. But I wasn't feeling any joy. I ended up breaking into streams of tears like a waterfall as soon as I stepped into the warm area. Looking back, I remember how mad I felt when an exam investigator stopped me from writing, indicating that time was up. My attempt to finish up my last question within last five minutes or so was futile. It hurt so, so much to stop writing. I remember back then that my tears were threatening to escape but I held them back, afraid investigators might see me in that crying state. I remember receiving a pat on my shoulder telling me not to cry by one of them before I left my seat. I forced out a smile at her acknowledging her pat while nodding. It was nice to hear that but I wanted to cry badly.
After three hours and ten minutes, I SMSed mummy out of desperation. I received a SMS saying, "Smile, sweetie, for it is now over. :)" It hurt that I couldn't even smile my sweetest smile. I thought I'd be smiling after that paper but I guess I overestimated myself. I cried out to mummy via SMSes.
I found myself questioning repeatedly if it was Satan preventing me from completing the paper. But I think there's something else to be thankful for which was on an immediate disappearance of my cramps. (:
Sometimes, I wonder if there's a purpose behind why I didn't finish my last question. That last question was my weakest topic. Mummy said probably I've done other questions well and God thought it was fine to let the last question go... That was my exact thought. God, is this your plan??? :O
